You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food. You have to go down to
the creek to take a bath.
You participate in the "who can spit tobacco the farthest contest".
You roll you hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.
You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel
shirt and thermal underwear.
There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your
truck.
You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.
You have 5 cars that are immobile and house that is!
You gene pool doesn't have a "deep end"
"Honey? Are the lights out? Is the door locked? Is the parking
brake set?" is what you hear right before you and your wife/girl
make love.
Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
You'd rather catch bass than get some (if you can't guess...)
You have a Hefty bag for a Car/Truck convertable top.
Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
You think that safe sex is a padded headboard on the waterbed.
You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.
You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.
You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.
You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your
fireplace.
You just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.
There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.
The theme song at your high school prom was `Friends in Low Places'
It's Easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.
You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three
of the primary colors.
You've ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your
sister's honor.
You idea of talking during sex is "Ain't no cars coming, baby!"
Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job--primer red and primer gray.
The tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men.
Yer mom calls ya over t'help, cause she has a flat tire...on her house
The ASPCA raids yer kitchen
Ya have to check in the bottom yer shoe for change so ya can get grandma a
new plug of tobacco
Foreplay consists of slipping off her saddle
Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart cause there is a law against it.
Ya celebrate groundhog day (cause ya believe in it!!)
You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado.
You fish in your above-ground pool, especially if you catch something!
When a sign that says "Say No To Crack!" reminds you to pull up your
jeans.
Helping your cousin, Billy-Bob, move into his new place consists of the
wheels off his doublewide
Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home
town.
You know you're a redneck if you wake up with both a black eye and a
hickey.
Getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the
truck.